Memoirs of a Designated Dumbass

We live in the 21st century, where technology is vital to everyday life and more superior than ever before. Machines increase productivity in businesses and are the ideal employee. They save lives as well as end them. This is truly the age of Skynet, yet for some FUCKING reason they don't work when you want them to! Case and point, about a week ago I was excited to hear that new episodes of South Park would begin soon. I completely forgot about it until tonight and was depressed to discover that I had missed it, however that excitement was quickly renewed once I realized that my Tivo should have recorded it. Of course, one can probably guess the outcome of this fun little story because the damn DVR didn't record the show. Even though it should have because I have a season pass for new episodes. Well the reason I gathered on why the episode was absent from my "Now Playing" list was because on the guide, the episode was not dated so Tivo must have thought that it was not new. So needless to say, I missed the episode but it was more that happy to record an rerun of Miami Vice on a goddamn station that I don't even get. Bravo Tivo, you fucking douche bag! Now of course I understand that it's just an episode of South Park that will more than likely be replayed a thousand times of the course of the next week. Also, 20 years ago if some missed a new episode of Dynasty, then they were screwed. On the same token, 10 years ago if someone forgot to set their VCR then they missed Party of Five, so I should be grateful to have such a luxury. However, that is the fucking point. Tivo and any other DVR is a luxury that one pays for and therefore such a luxury should be fulfilled. Fuck you, Tivo!

Moving on to the main subject is an issue that I have been conflicted with recently. I am part Irish and as a result have alcohol in my veins. I love the taste and the relaxed feeling that it provides. Albeit beer, whiskey, vodka, wine, or some sort of malt beverage. The problem is that it is been a while since I have sampled any of the Divine beverages and it feels as if I have been disconnected with a very close and dear friend. In my "younger" year, and of course I use that term very loosely given my age, but I was able to drink with the best of them. I rarely got sick and never have had a hangover (thanks to my late buddy Jim, who suggested to me to take one Aleve before you begin drinking).

Most of my experiences were happy times with friends, however there were other not so happy times. That dark chapter of my life has been permanently sealed however it has to deal with a rather harsh and difficult breakup. During that summer of drunkenness, I actually went through three garbage bags full of bottles of cheap vodka (yes, I kept the bottles to keep track) and drank about a gallon every two days. Something about resorting to alcoholism because of some bitch might not be the best approach. In fact, I was even sickened by the thought of me sitting in a stupor listening to our favorite songs with a spilled shot glass in front of me. That being said, I must admit that the alcohol was not just a dependent but rather a good friend that held my hand through the pain and turmoil. Now I will briefly state, in avoidance to not look like such a whiny, emo asshole, that it was indeed a very hard breakup given the circumstance, of which is a memoir for another day.

Night turned into day and I soon put the past behind me and accepted the fact that the relationship was over and so I gave the bottle a much needed rest. I still drank socially and in excess on special occasions but all was still in a healthy moderation. As time wore on and more responsibilities emerged, the amount of alcohol I ingested became less and less. Now it seems as if I haven't drank in months. I have been offered beverages and declined but it's as though I now go out of my not to drink. I actually concoct plans to get together with some friends and just drink into oblivion but in the end always change my mind.

I'm not really sure what the purpose of this post was, of course I'm not sure what the purpose of this blog is, but the topic was a suggestion by a friend. Perhaps I just need to get cock-slapped drunk and align the planets in my universe.



Be That As It May...These Are Simply Memoirs of a Work in Progress