Memoirs of an Educational Fallout

When I was a boy, my mother was talking to someone about rape. I didn't know what that was and being the curious little shit that I was, I wanted to know. So rather than repeat the word when I didn't even know the definition, I asked her 'what do you mean grape' or something to that effect. She then looked at me and told me that rape was nothing to joke about. I'm guessing she had the assumption that I already knew what rape was and I was merely taking a cheap shot for a quick and demented laugh. However, her response wasn't the answer that I had anticipated. Nothing to do with the discussion at hand, but it was a fun little story that I had just remembered.

The past few months I have been sadistically emerged into some college courses designed further my education and debt. The whole lot ended up costing a whopping 8 grand and looking back on all the blood and shit that I devoted, I can honestly saw that I have not learned a goddamn thing. Sure I was required to memorize various definitions and even some facts and figures for papers that I had to write, but honestly it has just been a huge blur. If some asshole had a gun to my forehead and asked to recite one thing from any of those classes I would be completely fucked. The reason for that being is because 75% of those classes that I took were not related to my intended career choice. What a sad commentary on our society when the higher education system is nothing more than a greedy corporation with no intention other than to suck as much money from you as they possibly can. Colleges are kind of like those bullies from grade school who pick you up and literally shake your milk money and any other loose change from your pockets and then proceed to shred your sphincter with a wedgie.

I won't mention where I attend class simply because I also happen to work there. However, I will say that it appears as if they are not much different than any other school. Someone please explain to me why it costs six hundred dollars per class. On average, there were maybe ten other students in class with me so that would mean that they would take in 6k for one class. So let's take a tour of a classroom and you will see some old shitty desks, lights, and an asshole teacher. Okay so unless they are paying that prick a cockload of money or are using some advanced alien technology to power the building, why does it cost so much fucking money to take one class? Once more, the average text book costs over a hundred dollars. It's made out of fucking paper! I can just see that old bastard from Monopoly running the school and dipping his cunt into a pool full of money just like Scrooge McDuck. Wow, I cannot believe I just made two references in the same sentence.

Not only that, but there are also added fees such as a technological fee and an athletic fee. Athletic fee? What the fuck does that even mean? Well upon further discovery it was revealed on the website that "The Student Athletics Development Fee is used to partially fund, in conjunction with revenues from external sources, intercollegiate athletics at . In exchange, each student receives admission to all home Athletics contests. " Well that is just fucking super! Not only do I get to lay my head down at night with the relief that I have just helped out the teabaggin' basketball team but also get to go see these assholes compete in an athletic contest? Holy shit, well that totally changes my attitude. Go ahead and sign me up for this mandatory fee which just adds to the unnecessary bullshit excuses to rape me financially. Why do they make it mandatory? Because no cock licker in their right fucking mind would just donate money to some cumswallowing athletic department. Also I've added the numbers and the return makes my anus bleed from anger. In 2007, there were roughly 21,760 in attendance in either semester and all them paying the $45 athletic fee. That would mean the school is cashing a check for an amount short of $1 million dollars per semester. I am surprised to learn that it actually costs that much to maintain a few sports teams and let us not forget that does not include that "revenue from external sources". Additionally, some sports teams do not even play an entire semester so does it cost a lot to upkeep a sport when nobody is even playing? That would be like a city building a stadium for a football team that didn't exist.

All of this could be avoided if there wasn't such a thing in existence as a FASFA. Free Application for Student Financial Aid is the process of determining whether or not you are worthy of a scholarship or federal grant. It is based on your parent's tax return and how much they earned the previous year. This is the process that is used year after fucking year until you are 25 or married. If your family is poor then you are eligible for grants, which is money given to you by the government. If your family isn't bunking with some bum in a garbage can, then you are fucked and have to borrow student loans. This FAFSA, or as I like to call it...Fucking Assholes who Fuck the Shit out of your Asshole, do not even care to know what the folk's expenses are and if they are even able to afford them. On paper, an individual may look like they have a cumbucket load full of money but in reality, as with most people, have bills to pay. Besides the fact that it is not your parent's fucking responsibility to pay for your ass to go to school. Sure, it would be awful nice of them but it isn't exactly a parental job requirement. It is kind of discriminatory to families who have a few extra bucks on payday. Why aren't these poor people able to take out student loans? If you're not going to fuck the cow then don't fuck the donkey.

So it looks as though it is student loans for me, but what other option do I have? I have things I wish to accomplish in life and higher education seems to be the way to achieve them. Sure, they'll keep handing me out as many loans as I can take with an interest rate the of John Holmes sized proportions. But when I graduate these loan companies will end up with a fistfull of my nutsack. They will own me. Until then I will be patiently waiting for time to come when I have to face an educational fallout.

Be That As It May, These Are Merely Memoirs of a Work in Progress...