Memoirs of an Educational Fallout

When I was a boy, my mother was talking to someone about rape. I didn't know what that was and being the curious little shit that I was, I wanted to know. So rather than repeat the word when I didn't even know the definition, I asked her 'what do you mean grape' or something to that effect. She then looked at me and told me that rape was nothing to joke about. I'm guessing she had the assumption that I already knew what rape was and I was merely taking a cheap shot for a quick and demented laugh. However, her response wasn't the answer that I had anticipated. Nothing to do with the discussion at hand, but it was a fun little story that I had just remembered.

The past few months I have been sadistically emerged into some college courses designed further my education and debt. The whole lot ended up costing a whopping 8 grand and looking back on all the blood and shit that I devoted, I can honestly saw that I have not learned a goddamn thing. Sure I was required to memorize various definitions and even some facts and figures for papers that I had to write, but honestly it has just been a huge blur. If some asshole had a gun to my forehead and asked to recite one thing from any of those classes I would be completely fucked. The reason for that being is because 75% of those classes that I took were not related to my intended career choice. What a sad commentary on our society when the higher education system is nothing more than a greedy corporation with no intention other than to suck as much money from you as they possibly can. Colleges are kind of like those bullies from grade school who pick you up and literally shake your milk money and any other loose change from your pockets and then proceed to shred your sphincter with a wedgie.

I won't mention where I attend class simply because I also happen to work there. However, I will say that it appears as if they are not much different than any other school. Someone please explain to me why it costs six hundred dollars per class. On average, there were maybe ten other students in class with me so that would mean that they would take in 6k for one class. So let's take a tour of a classroom and you will see some old shitty desks, lights, and an asshole teacher. Okay so unless they are paying that prick a cockload of money or are using some advanced alien technology to power the building, why does it cost so much fucking money to take one class? Once more, the average text book costs over a hundred dollars. It's made out of fucking paper! I can just see that old bastard from Monopoly running the school and dipping his cunt into a pool full of money just like Scrooge McDuck. Wow, I cannot believe I just made two references in the same sentence.

Not only that, but there are also added fees such as a technological fee and an athletic fee. Athletic fee? What the fuck does that even mean? Well upon further discovery it was revealed on the website that "The Student Athletics Development Fee is used to partially fund, in conjunction with revenues from external sources, intercollegiate athletics at . In exchange, each student receives admission to all home Athletics contests. " Well that is just fucking super! Not only do I get to lay my head down at night with the relief that I have just helped out the teabaggin' basketball team but also get to go see these assholes compete in an athletic contest? Holy shit, well that totally changes my attitude. Go ahead and sign me up for this mandatory fee which just adds to the unnecessary bullshit excuses to rape me financially. Why do they make it mandatory? Because no cock licker in their right fucking mind would just donate money to some cumswallowing athletic department. Also I've added the numbers and the return makes my anus bleed from anger. In 2007, there were roughly 21,760 in attendance in either semester and all them paying the $45 athletic fee. That would mean the school is cashing a check for an amount short of $1 million dollars per semester. I am surprised to learn that it actually costs that much to maintain a few sports teams and let us not forget that does not include that "revenue from external sources". Additionally, some sports teams do not even play an entire semester so does it cost a lot to upkeep a sport when nobody is even playing? That would be like a city building a stadium for a football team that didn't exist.

All of this could be avoided if there wasn't such a thing in existence as a FASFA. Free Application for Student Financial Aid is the process of determining whether or not you are worthy of a scholarship or federal grant. It is based on your parent's tax return and how much they earned the previous year. This is the process that is used year after fucking year until you are 25 or married. If your family is poor then you are eligible for grants, which is money given to you by the government. If your family isn't bunking with some bum in a garbage can, then you are fucked and have to borrow student loans. This FAFSA, or as I like to call it...Fucking Assholes who Fuck the Shit out of your Asshole, do not even care to know what the folk's expenses are and if they are even able to afford them. On paper, an individual may look like they have a cumbucket load full of money but in reality, as with most people, have bills to pay. Besides the fact that it is not your parent's fucking responsibility to pay for your ass to go to school. Sure, it would be awful nice of them but it isn't exactly a parental job requirement. It is kind of discriminatory to families who have a few extra bucks on payday. Why aren't these poor people able to take out student loans? If you're not going to fuck the cow then don't fuck the donkey.

So it looks as though it is student loans for me, but what other option do I have? I have things I wish to accomplish in life and higher education seems to be the way to achieve them. Sure, they'll keep handing me out as many loans as I can take with an interest rate the of John Holmes sized proportions. But when I graduate these loan companies will end up with a fistfull of my nutsack. They will own me. Until then I will be patiently waiting for time to come when I have to face an educational fallout.

Be That As It May, These Are Merely Memoirs of a Work in Progress...

Memoirs of an Icy Incarnation

The past few posts have been more serious and was merely an outlet to release some less desired emotions. They were pretty down so in an attempt to bring my mood back up I thought I would delve more into those things that always seem to piss me off. Also, the Biblical Prophecy blog is not at all forgotten and it will be completed soon. I cannot promise when, however I can promise that it will be nothing short of epic...epic failure.

That shit being shat, I decided to project my recent frustration...ice in beverages. I recently found myself sitting in a Denny's and ordered a cranberry juice to come with my french toast-ass-slam and was utterly appalled to discover that it was full of ice. Well who in the fuck drinks cranberry juice with ice unless it is accompanied by vodka? As bad as that sounds, that's not quite the assraping that I had in mind. I got a root beer somewhere and it had ice in it too. Of course, I usually order all my drinks without ice but I never thought I had to do so with root beer. Perhaps that is because NOBODY PUTS FUCKING ICE IN ROOT BEER. Come to think of it, the place was Wendy's and obviously that little redheaded whore couldn't get it right.

Again I always order the drinks without ice but why should I have to do that? Not everyone enjoys ice and although isn't all that difficult sometimes I forget or the goddamn employee puts it in anyway. Then when you point out their error to them, they look at you like you're the ass dribbling moron and then you have to look twice just to make sure they don't spit or spooge in your drink. What's the fucking point anyway? Soda comes out of the fountain cold already so adding more ice just makes all the more colder and also waters it down faster. Yeah, I really want to spend three dollars on a cup of coke flavored McWater. Besides the fact that with my teeth I cannot consume too hot or cold items. Now that only affects me personally but why should those who don't wish to have ice suffer from this unjust system? We may be a small population (the larger consisting mostly of those who just don't give a shit) but why not make those ice assholes be the ones to ask for ice. It would interesting to see how they react to receiving their desired beverage without their precious ice and have to maneuver the straw around a glob of semen deposited by a disgruntled funployee.

Who in the holy fuck was even the one who decided that ice was mandatory for all drinks? I can just imagine the circumstances of some cocksmokin scientist sitting in his lab drinking a Dr. Pepper and saying, Shit this is good but it would be better with clumps of frozen water in it! Where do we as a society draw the line of inserting those fucking ice cubes into our most beloved beverages. Then again we could always throw some ice into beer or hell why not stick ice into a cup of coffee...'what do you mean there's no ice, you mean I have to drink this coffee hot'. But wait a minute, there already is iced-motherfucking-coffee. Ice is taking over the world and I dare you to come up with one drink that doesn't have some sort of deformed icy mutation.
In fact, why not just incorporate the fucking things into every liquid? When you get a piss test, toss a few cubes in the cup. Or, when you have the shits make sure to shove some ice up your rectum because god-fucking-forbid that it comes out warm.

Ice is taking over the world in a murderous rampage. Every year there are numerous ice related fatalities albeit a car accident or slipping and breaking your face. Yet people just cannot seem to get enough of it. Maybe I'm taking this a bit too far but you just have to know where to stop.

Be That As It May, These Are Merely Memoirs of a Work in Progress...

Memoirs of the Light at the End of the Tunnel

My mind is racing and my throat hurts like I just swallowed a bucket of rusty nails. I have a shitload of assignments and studying to finish but I just cannot seem to get the courage to do so. I really don't even know what to say other than I just wish that it would all stop. Imagine an emotion that combines rage, sadness and indifference...it feels like you're on a fucking merry-go-round. Now add to that a constant fear or foreboding, if you will, and add elements of incredible and pathetic loneliness. Then after you have mixed all the ingredients to this shit flavored recipe for self-hatred, you feel as if the only way out is through the bottom of a whiskey stained shot glass. Of course, knowing fully well that you have once gone down this path and it is grim, but what other options do you have? The temptation is so severe sometimes that you just cannot stand it, just one sip to dull the pain. You look in the mirror and cannot seem recognize yourself in the reflection. So you try to fake it and even though it hurts like hell, it is easy to succeed. You slap a half-witted smile onto that grotesque mug and sigh as you tell yourself that everything will eventually work itself out, however there is only so much optimism left. You can feel it growing inside you like some sort of cancer, eating away at every last fiber inside that still qualifies you as human. You try to look away and in some cases you may be able to move onward but just when you think that it's all in the past, it comes back just to slap you in the fucking face.

Who the fuck do you think you are? Nothing will ever change because you just aren't good enough. You may have the brains but you lack in everything else. So you attempt to forget and move forward even though you know the result will not be in your favor. At one point, you may even actually believe that you have a chance to change the result but unfortunately such is not the case. Again, who the fuck do you think you are?

Your dreams are in fact horrific and vivid nightmares carved out of your own sad reality. You lie to yourself as you think that your day will come and all this will be a distant memory as you rest in real and uninhibited happiness. But that's just it, it is merely a lie designed to motivate yourself to wake up each day. However, for the time being, that is all you have...that and the hope that there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.

Be That As It May, These Are Merely Memoirs of a Work in Progress...

Memoirs of a Bitter Relationship

I rarely watch television because most of everything on now is complete and utter shit. I could probably count on both hands the number of shows that I regularly watch. Those might consist of the Simpsons, South Park, Lost, Dexter, The Colbert Report, or most importantly The Office. I have been watching that show since the pilot and must admit that is my only guilty pleasure. I often find myself cheering on Jim and Pam. I find it best to try and contain my emotions and excitement. I speak in a monotone voice that is barely above a whisper and only do so when I feel my input to be appropriate. I have often been referred to as "shy", but I disagree because I have been in situations where people will not shut the fuck up and continue to run their mouth about stupid shit. Therefore I do not speak unless I feel like I must and it is absolutely necessary.

Getting back to the office, tonight's episode really got to think and even caused me to experience some of those emotions that I so often repress. The characters Jim and Pam are finally engaged after three seasons of built up sexual tension and so he bought her his parent's old house. The whole episode anticipated that she would hate the house but at the end she actually loved it. A simple plot but it got me to think.

I have dabbled in several relationships and obviously due to my single status, none of them were the "one". Not only that but looking back there were no indications that would even be close. That being said, tonight I asked myself when will I find my Pam? Now of course I am speaking metaphorically, unless Jenna Fischer is interested, but I would seriously love to find that one to love. Someone who can appreciate me and not be incessantly obsessed with the badboy or their psychotic exboyfriend.

Now there are millions of people in this world who are thinking the exact same thing right now so what makes me so different? Well absolutely nothing but only that I am tired of being alone. Not alone in the sense of solitude but in the aspect that I have never really felt connected with anyone. Even when I was dating, they were merely a sexual outlet and never really felt close to any of them. I'm sure that sounds horrible especially if any of those girls happen to be reading this but it is true...oh and if you are on of them reading this, then fuck you!
I suppose I should point out that I was not one who ended any of those relationships and they in fact dumped me. Every one of them was as a result of some other douche bag. What a bummer.

Of course, I am not by any means looking to marry and turn into Ward-fucking-Cleaver, but it would be nice to be with someone who I can finally relate with. I want the long walks, ketchup fights, and Monday night dinner at Applebee's... I want a real and honest relationship. Not just the fuck-grunt-thanks a bunch, because I've already had enough of that and quite frankly it got boring. Is that wrong or make me less a man? As a male, I feel as though not wanting to insert my cock into everything that moves makes me less masculine. Isn't romance, hearts and flowers more of a chick thing? Maybe that's why I could never stay in a relationship because I cared too much and those other dickfaces didn't. I have so much to give and yet no one to give it to. Perhaps I should resort to become just another asshole only to treat her like shit. That would be nice in theory only I don't think that I could bring myself to that level. So I suppose that one day I will meet that special someone and until then I will be idly waiting...wondering when will I find my Pam.

Be That As It May, These Are Merely Memoirs of a Work in Progress...

Memoirs of a Biblical Prophecy

Coming Soon...

Memoirs of Halloween

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Memoirs of a Less Memorable Sequel

Halloween is only five days away and with that in mind, I think that it is appropriate to address the one common aspect of the holiday that makes it all the more enjoyable. Obviously I am referring to horror movies and lately it seems as though the art has taken quite the nosedive into the abyss. Asian remakes still seem to be the hot thing in the genre, although they have much competition amongst the shitty American remakes. Also, having seen the shit-bomb otherwise known as Saw V,
I feel the need to address one particular series that has been given quite the assfucking.

No I am not talking about Saw because up until now it has been pretty righteous. Unfortunately I am talking about Halloween. The original and its sequel were top notch and still send shivers up my asshole to this day. However, the sequels were less to be desired.

Halloween 4 was campy and fun but was just popcorn-fodder and lacked the seriousness that the previous entries excelled in. They were much like a Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street sequel, in fact that is one of the main reasons that Halloween was brought back in order to compete in the popular slasher genre. The problem that one would expect more out of 'ol Mikey and to not suck balls.

Halloween 5 came out the year after and it certainly shows as it feels very rushed and unplanned. It's like they said, hey...we made a few bucks last year, let's slap together another piece of shit and maybe it will have the same results. Well they were wrong. The movie was just stupid as it was full of weird jokes and some annoying bitch named Tina. There was actually one scene where police show up and it plays clown music. When I first saw that as a kid, I couldn't believe it and thought I was hearing shit.

After that butt-raping, Michael Myers would not appear until on film for another six years when Halloween 6 came out. The movie was actually quite impressive and delved into Michael's past as being branded with the curse of the thorn in some kind of ritual manner. There was an original story that dug a little deeper but was scrapped. It can be purchased as a bootleg known as Halloween 666: The Producer's Cut. It is very good and highly recommended.

Halloween H20 came a few years later as a result of a. the twentieth anniversary and b. the hype surrounding "smart dawson's creek" type horror like Scream. It tried to be trendy but ended up just being a waste of fucking time. It ignored every sequel following part 2 and didn't even take place in Haddonfield, the small Illinois town that the others had been located in. The Halloween franchise is supposed to take place in fucking Anytown and not southern California. Anyway, Jamie Lee Curtis put her big children book career on hold and reprised her character, Laurie Strode from the first two. All in all, it wasn't a bad flick and was certainly superior to cock splitting fuckfest that followed.

Halloween 8, now we are in some deep shit. I honestly do not even know where to begin with this one. It had some fucker from American Pie in it and even Busta Rhymes was gracious enough to lend his hand into this abomination. The story goes that some Internet reality show was taking place in Michael's house and that is enough right there to make one say, what the fuck. Besides all the stupid internet shit, they make Michael look like a pussy. Busta Rhymes even yells at him at one point and he just walks away. He's Michael Fucking Myers, the guy who dresses up in sheets and strangles chicks. He's not some jerkoff who runs away with piss pants from a fucking rapper with a bad attitude. Oh and in the last scene where Busta says trick or treat, muthafucka...that was just classic. Or how about when he opens the body bag and sees Michael, who had just burned up in a fire caused by internet wires (yeah, fucking stupid), and says, you look a little crispy mike...i hope you never rest in peace. Goddamn he sure told him, what a badass, making wisecracks to a dead serial killer. Well Mikey really wasn't dead and springs to life again at the end in the morgue by making some scream that sounded more like he had just got off and it seemed like there would be yet another shitty sequel. And that is the way it was going to go down for the longest time until there were plans for a remake.

But before the remake there were brief plans for a prequel that showed Michael's years in the sanitarium but was scrapped once someone realized how fucking stupid it was. There was even a brief period where having pinhead from Hellraiser fight Michael, ala Freddy vs Jason. Anyway, final plans were for a remake that actually at one time had Paris Hilton in contention to play Laurie Strode...fucking-a, if that would have come to fruition, I would have seriously killed every cockstain associated with the film. But thankfully Mr. Rob Zombie stepped up and made the first decent Halloween film in over 25 years. I was very happy with the remake and hope that the next one will be just as good and not start another vicious fucking cycle of shitty sequels.

Happy Halloween and Remember These Are Merely Memoirs of a Work in Progress...