Memoirs of a Bitter Relationship

I rarely watch television because most of everything on now is complete and utter shit. I could probably count on both hands the number of shows that I regularly watch. Those might consist of the Simpsons, South Park, Lost, Dexter, The Colbert Report, or most importantly The Office. I have been watching that show since the pilot and must admit that is my only guilty pleasure. I often find myself cheering on Jim and Pam. I find it best to try and contain my emotions and excitement. I speak in a monotone voice that is barely above a whisper and only do so when I feel my input to be appropriate. I have often been referred to as "shy", but I disagree because I have been in situations where people will not shut the fuck up and continue to run their mouth about stupid shit. Therefore I do not speak unless I feel like I must and it is absolutely necessary.

Getting back to the office, tonight's episode really got to think and even caused me to experience some of those emotions that I so often repress. The characters Jim and Pam are finally engaged after three seasons of built up sexual tension and so he bought her his parent's old house. The whole episode anticipated that she would hate the house but at the end she actually loved it. A simple plot but it got me to think.

I have dabbled in several relationships and obviously due to my single status, none of them were the "one". Not only that but looking back there were no indications that would even be close. That being said, tonight I asked myself when will I find my Pam? Now of course I am speaking metaphorically, unless Jenna Fischer is interested, but I would seriously love to find that one to love. Someone who can appreciate me and not be incessantly obsessed with the badboy or their psychotic exboyfriend.

Now there are millions of people in this world who are thinking the exact same thing right now so what makes me so different? Well absolutely nothing but only that I am tired of being alone. Not alone in the sense of solitude but in the aspect that I have never really felt connected with anyone. Even when I was dating, they were merely a sexual outlet and never really felt close to any of them. I'm sure that sounds horrible especially if any of those girls happen to be reading this but it is true...oh and if you are on of them reading this, then fuck you!
I suppose I should point out that I was not one who ended any of those relationships and they in fact dumped me. Every one of them was as a result of some other douche bag. What a bummer.

Of course, I am not by any means looking to marry and turn into Ward-fucking-Cleaver, but it would be nice to be with someone who I can finally relate with. I want the long walks, ketchup fights, and Monday night dinner at Applebee's... I want a real and honest relationship. Not just the fuck-grunt-thanks a bunch, because I've already had enough of that and quite frankly it got boring. Is that wrong or make me less a man? As a male, I feel as though not wanting to insert my cock into everything that moves makes me less masculine. Isn't romance, hearts and flowers more of a chick thing? Maybe that's why I could never stay in a relationship because I cared too much and those other dickfaces didn't. I have so much to give and yet no one to give it to. Perhaps I should resort to become just another asshole only to treat her like shit. That would be nice in theory only I don't think that I could bring myself to that level. So I suppose that one day I will meet that special someone and until then I will be idly waiting...wondering when will I find my Pam.

Be That As It May, These Are Merely Memoirs of a Work in Progress...